How to Write a First Message That Gets Replies

You only get one first chance to impress a woman. When you’re meeting her online, that opening message is like the ultimate cold pick up at the bar. You have to be interesting, engaging, nonthreatening, and available. If you can hit the right mix of experience you’re going to be a great catch. For you to get the experience you need to refine your message, however, you have to start with one that’s pretty good already. Here’s how to write a first message that will get her to notice you.

Focus on What You Could Do for Her

"Send her a personalized message"

“Send her a personalized message”


Let’s be honest here: you’re on this site for what you can get for yourself. So is she. When the two of you want the same thing you’re going to come together and have a wonderful evening. Until then, you have to work to keep her interested. You should appeal to her in the first message by making it clear that you’re going to make sure she gets something out of hanging out with you. You can start innocent by offering a good date or a good conversation, and then as the talk goes on and gets more sexual you should let her know that you don’t get many complaints.

Get Specific with Your Interests

"Make sure you write the first message in accordance with your interests"

“Make sure you write the first message in accordance with your interests”


A terrible way to open a message is to say something like “Oh, you like music? Me too!” Pretty much everyone like music. If you want to blow her out of the water, start a specific conversation about the kind of music that she likes. This is easiest if you already like that music too, but a quick google search should show you all you need to know to fake one. If it’s not music, pick something else. Tell her where the best beaches for hiking are, for example. Just move the conversation on to your passion.

Keep It Short and Sweet

You don’t need to write her a novel. In fact, you don’t want to write her more than two or three short paragraphs. You’re not here to bog her down with things to read, and it’s also hard to stay on topic if you’re rambling a lot. You wouldn’t start a conversation with someone in real like by asking them 12 questions about themselves in a row. Don’t do it online, either. Make sure that she has something to respond to in the message, but don’t go overboard. The less time she has to change her mind about writing you back, the better.

End with a Question

Try to end with an open ended question. “Did you like the end of the movie?” isn’t a good question, because it can be answered in a yes or no fashion. Instead, you should simply ask how she thinks the ending will influence the next film in the franchise. This applies to anything that you were talking about. Try to get her opinion, and try to get her interested in talking to you. If you can hold a good conversation online you can ask to continue it in person without it being weird.

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